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第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登

来源:搜狐教育
2011年04月12日17:05

 

  

  To be a volunteer ,Bring a ray of sunshine

  陈天悦

  山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班

  Dear Tom:

  It is a great pleasure for me to have the wondeful chance to put pen to paper and send my greetings to you. You said that you wanted to be a volunteer and didn't know whether you should or not. I want to help you analyse it.

  In my opinion. I think it is not noly a good chance to help others but also a good opportunity to make selp-improvement. You'd better participate in the volunteer work. If we compane youth to flouers, as is often the case, then the young volunteers are the most beautiful flowers. By joining in the vounteer work, you will leam how to help others and how to love others. What's more you can also find it out that there are many people suffering from disaster and then you will value your comfortable life. Although you may feel very tired as a volunteer and it may cost you much time to help others, I still insist that you should be a volunteer because the advantages bright about by volunteer work overweigh the disadvantages.

  It all the people refused to be volunteers, the people suffered from the may 12 earthquake could lose heart and most of them wouldn't have the chance to survive from that disaster. If none of the people wanted to be a volunteer, the Beijing olympic Games would be a failure. If every people didn't feel like being a volunteer, there would be no people cleaning the environment and protecting the beautiful scenery automatically. It was terrible! From all mentioned above, volunteers play a very important part in our daily life. To be a volunteer will gain glory for China. As is brow to all, Chinese children are always laughed at for lack of practice. So to be a volunteer is a good chance to canpensate for it.

  From my point of view, it's high time that you became a volunteer and learned to help others. If everyone makes a contribution to helping others, the world will be much more beautiful!

  At last, wish you all the best!

  Yours sincerely.

  Lily.

  专家建议:

  一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准,但结构显然不够简洁清晰,所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章,有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。

  专家点评:

  文章二三段的结构很混乱,建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性,并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写,而不是都堆在一段内,让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证,很混乱。另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富,比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用:help others就显得过于单一了~

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