[小说坊]-有人爱用雨伞

　　Story House

　　小说坊

　　有人爱用雨伞

　　打我的头

　　There's a Man in the Habit of Hitting Me on the Head with an Umbrella

　　这是一个奇异的超现实主义小说。文章的首句“有人爱用雨伞打我的头”就很怪异，但这句话并没有完全交代清楚环境或叙述者与攻击他的人之间的相互关系。而读者会认为，这名叙述者只是定期遇到一个用雨伞打他头的人。然而，随着故事的展开，我们才意识到，事实上，这个奇怪的人分分秒秒都在尽力用他的伞去敲打叙述者的头。这个小说似乎只是在叙述习惯的形成以及我们是如何渐渐接受这个习惯的。可是，在情节方面这个小说却有点让人困惑不清。在他们相遇的第一天，当叙述者仍旧没有摆脱雨伞的敲击后，要跑离折磨他的人时，他注意到“如果我继续迫使他以那种速度追跑的话，这个折磨我的人就会倒地而亡”。当然，他不会真的倒地而亡，但这个叙述者却把这当作一个借口，放慢了速度并容忍了那些敲打。向攻击他的人屈服的借口难以令人信服，所以人们不禁想问，这名叙述者是否在某种程度上着了谜，愿意与那个雨伞恶棍建立潜在的相互关系。那样的话，这个小说是不是在讲述人们无论是在多么不满、多么一相情愿的情况下都想与其他人进行接触的特性呢？只为了与其同伴呆在一块，一个人将会为此付出怎么样的代价啊？

　　< 一 >

　　There's a man in the habit of hitting me on the head with an umbrella. It's exactly five years today that he's been hitting me on the head with his umbrella. At first I couldn't stand it, now I'm used to it.

　　有人爱用雨伞打我的头。他总是用雨伞打我的头，迄今为止已经整整5年了。刚开始的时候我还不能忍受，可现在已经习惯了。

　　I don't know his name. I know he's average in appearance, wears a gray suit, is graying at the temples, and has a common face. I met him five years ago one sultry morning. I was sitting on a tree-shaded bench in Palermo Park, reading the paper. Suddenly I felt something touch my head. It was the very same man who now, as I'm writing, keeps whacking me, mechanically and impassively, with an umbrella.

　　我不知道他叫什么。我只知道他相貌平平，身穿灰色外套，太阳穴发灰，有一张大众脸。在5年前的一个闷热的上午，我遇到了他。我当时是在泊莱墨公园里，坐在一张有树荫遮蔽的长椅上看报纸。突然，我感到什么东西碰到了我的头。结果我发现，就是这个我正在谈论的男人在打我，他现在还不停地用伞打我，动作机械、毫无表情。

　　On that occasion I turned around filled with indignation, he just kept on hitting me. I asked him if he was crazy, he didn't even seem to hear me. Then I threatened to call a policeman. Unperturbed, cool as a cucumber, he ①stuck with his task. After a few moments of indecision, and seeing that he was not about to change his attitude, I stood up and punched him in the nose. The man fell down, and let out an almost inaudible moan. He immediately got back on his feet, apparently with great effort, and without a word again began hitting me on the head with the umbrella. His nose was bleeding and, at that moment, I felt sorry for him. I felt remorse for having hit him so hard. After all, the man wasn't exactly bludgeoning me; he was merely tapping me lightly with his umbrella, not causing any pain at all. Of course, those taps were extremely bothersome. As we all know, when a fly lands on your forehead, you don't feel any pain whatsoever; what you feel is annoyance. Well then, that umbrella was one humongous fly that kept landing on my head time after time, and at regular intervals.

　　那时，我愤怒地转过身，可他还是不停地打我。我问他是不是疯了，他似乎根本就没听到我说话。我随即威胁说我要报警。但他依然泰然自若，没有什么反应，继续打我。我犹豫了片刻，在看出他的态度不会发生改变后，站了起来，一拳打在了他的鼻子上。这个男的摔倒了，发出了一声极其微弱的呻吟。他迅速站起来，但明显是费了很大的劲，然后又开始一声不吭地用伞打我的头。他的鼻子在淌血，就在那一刻，我感到有点对不住他。我后悔自己出手过重。毕竟，这个人不是用棒子打我；他只是在用伞轻轻敲打我的头，根本就不疼。不过，这样的轻敲肯定是极其恼人的了。我们都知道，当一个苍蝇落在你的额头时，你根本就不会感到疼，你只有一个感觉——恼怒。那么，那把雨伞就像一只硕大无比的苍蝇，反复不停地在你头上飞起落下，而且还是有间歇规律的。

　　Convinced that I was dealing with a madman, I tried to escape. But the man followed me, wordlessly continuing to hit me. So I began to run (at this juncture I should point out that not many people run as fast as I do). He took off after me, vainly trying to land a blow. The man was huffing and puffing and gasping so that I thought, if I continued to force him to run at that speed, my tormenter would drop dead right then and there.

　　当我认定我遇到了一个疯子时，我试图溜走。但这个男的还是跟着我，一声不响地继续打我。所以，我开始狂奔（在这个节骨眼上，我敢说，很多人都没有我跑得快）。他在后面紧追不舍，总想打到我。那个男的呼吸开始变得急促、气喘不断，所以，我想，如果我继续迫使他以那种速度追跑的话，这个折磨我的人就会倒地而亡。

　　temple /`templ/ n.太阳穴

　　sultry /`s7ltri/ adj.闷热的

　　whack /(h)w2k/ vt.重打；击败

　　unperturbed /`7np9`t8bd/ adj.泰然自若的

　　moan /m9un/ n.呻吟

　　remorse /ri`m5s/ n.懊悔；自责

　　bludgeon /`bl7dE9n/ vt.用大头棒打

　　humongous /hj6`m7MG9s/ adj.<俚>极大的；其大无比的

　　interval /`int9v9l/ n.时间间隔

　　huff /h7f/ v.喘气

　　puff /p7f/ v.喘息

　　gasp /G3sp/ v.透不过气来

　　① stick with 坚持做（某事）